July 21, 2008

The Diaries of Dogs and Cats (from an email)

I received this in an email. I don't know who wrote it but it's one of the funniest things I've read of this nature. Too good not to pass along. Kudos to the writer...

(ETA: I found the Siamese Rescue site has more excerpts from the cat diary. Apparently it was written by Diane R. Karius, Ph.D. I think it's hilarious and if I come across any more entries I'll post them.)




This is our dog and the diary represents her perfectly.


EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Dad! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
8:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


Here's our cat...Spooky similarities here too.

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

Day 183 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt and torment me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I, on the other hand, am forced to consume dry cereal only.

The one thing that keeps me going is the blessed hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Must try this at the top of the stairs next time.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. Must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am truly capable of, and to instill dread and terror in their hearts. They only cooed and repeated "what a good little kitty" I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my "ability to induce allergies." Must learn what this ability is and how to turn it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and possibly snitches as well. The dog is routinely released outdoors and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a complete idiot.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, as he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the small metal room, his safety is assured. For now.

But I can wait. Oh, yes, I can wait....


9 comments:

  1. Hilarious, Muse. Only my dog is a basenji, a breed that believes it's a cat, so some of the dog entries do not apply!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Believe it or not our dog thinks she is a lap dog--120 pound lap dog. Aren't dogs great!

    I love cats too. I swear the diary entry suits our cats to a "T".

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think I remember seeing that somewhere too once. I'm glad you posted it.

    Wife say's Oliver has taken over my spot on the bed. She's not sure who he's trying to be close to, but he winds up pushing her to the edge during the night.

    We used to have cats too, but they aggravated my asthma too much. As they died, we did not replace them. Youngest daughter keeps pestering for a kitten.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi J.L.!

    It is funny. I found some more exerpt from the cat diary and who I assume wrote it. I'm updating the post to include the references.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Muse:

    Hilarious! I don't have a dog, but my cat could care less.

    Happy trails.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi! One more for the road! 8.35pm -Oh Boy! I am the King of my domain.

    Take Care,
    Peter

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oops! That should have been "Queen" but dogs all the look the same to me, four legs, body, head, tail and a mind for food and more food.

    Take Care,
    Peter

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hey Swu!

    Cats could care less is right. Ours thinks nothing of spewing litter all over the laundry room floor.

    Have a good one!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Peter!

    King or Queen, they both rule!

    Take care!

    ReplyDelete

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